I don’t think I’m gonna use this to blog anymore it’s kinda boring now. 

GOD DAMN SHE MAD. 

I just simply don’t care anymore. I will speak to you for band, because it’s required of us to cooperate for success, but otherwise I don’t want anything to do with you.  I’m done. Alright? Alright. 

I previously thought it was untrue how its said that you start to see who your friends really are near the end of high school. I stand corrected. Thank you, all of you who have stuck by me through thick and thin for all of these years, as I will continue to do the same to you. To those who haven’t, see below:

I typed out a long letter to respond to you on each of your “points”, but I felt it was useless to use logic against you, as you would further respond with more emotional hate speech, so I’ll just leave you with this: Talking with Tori last night, I decided I should stop caring so much. As such, I’d like to say this: Seriously, what the fuck? Why do all of this? Why? Do you enjoy being an angry person? Ever hear of the phrase, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? Why be so angry all the time? It does nothing positive, nothing at all. I ain’t even mad at this point - just utterly dumbfounded at how a person could live like you do. Stop taking on so much god damn unnecessary responsibility. It’s made you into a person that most others can’t stand to be around. I’m unable to count how many times I’ve heard different people call you a bitch. You’re fun to be around when you’re not upset, so why be? Perhaps you enjoy it? That’s the only reason that makes sense. 

If you wish, we could actually discuss things civilly like adults, but I honestly don’t see that happening with you. I’ve given up. Nice job pushing a person, who has legitimately cared about you, out of your life. You win. Congratulations. Are you happy with yourself? 

P.S. Try talking to your “gullible” friends about how they really feel about you. Given that your perception of reality is heavily clouded, the truth might surprise you. 

Have a nice fucking life, lol. 

I just want to move somewhere and forget everybody except a few people and get on with my life. People just keep making things unnecessarily complicated and they need to stop. 

Fuck you because you actually care but you won’t let yourself do so.

Fuck me because I keep trying to mend things against your wishes. 

Fuck everything because people’s anger ruins anything ever.  

I’ve had my undies inside-out the entire day. I’m so dumb oh my gosh.

I am gaylord, lord of the gays. 

I’m just really afraid that I won’t forget those numerous bad moments in my life. They bother me all too much. 

Going backpacking this weekend. Hopefully my comrades and I don’t die, as dying tends to suck. So, the bears and moose should kindly stay away, plzkthx.

Ugh. Why am I having these feelings? I don’t want them. They should go away. Everything is over. Even though, looking back, it seems that she wasn’t meant for me as I thought she was, but I still want her. I could certainly go after someone better. Not better, as in the quality of the person, but rather someone better for me. Still, I can’t help but feel that she’s the best it’s ever going to get, yet our relationship was so unhealthy. I wanted to end it so many times over the years. But I couldn’t, because I couldn’t pull away from her. I just wanted her too much to be able to. That’s probably what’s making me have these feelings now. These feelings of jealousy, even though I have no right to feel them. It also hurts knowing that she’s doing better off than when I was with her. Was it me? Or was I just doomed with the state of her life at the time? I may never know. But it does nothing to dwell on this matter like I am. This is so bothersome. I wish I had somebody to quest after. Perhaps that’s all I need. Perhaps not. Do these kind of feelings ever go away? It’d be troublesome if they didn’t. Whatever. I’ll power through this somehow. I always do. When, though, is the question. 

complaincomplaincomplainwhinewhinebitchmoankillmeIhatethiscomplaincomplaincomplainmakeitstopughbothersomethatseemstobemyfavoritewordnowadays

P.S. I know that she’ll see this. Well, she will if she even bothers to check my blog anymore. Still, this place is my only outlet for such text, and I guess I don’t have to be secretive about these kind of feelings anymore, do I? So, fuck it. 

P.S.S. Although I didn’t think I’d be the type of person to, I kind of enjoy Eminem. It felt good to listen to him while writing this all. 

I wish there was a way for me to move somewhere and forget about everybody in my past who have caused me to be in such a recent state of hollowness. The life I used to live but a year ago is no more, and being constantly reminded of it is painful. Every time I try to escape, I keep getting pulled back. I can’t refrain from checking the blogs of those people, people who used to me mean much more to me and I to them, even though their words and faces should drive me away after what has happened. Things are becoming increasingly more bothersome lately, and if it isn’t redundant to say so, it would be nice if it would all go away.

Although I have learned from them, sometimes I believe that I would be better off if those experiences never happened in the first place.

I feel as if everybody around me is growing up but me. Even those younger than myself. I suppose it’s because of the actions they’ve taken, the things they’ve experienced. Hell, they’re even more knowledgeable in educational terms. Though, I do consider myself more mentally mature than most everybody whom I’m friends with, so there’s that, which is good I guess. Saying it makes me sound like an ass, but it’s something I pride myself in, and I won’t let others’ opinions dent my pride. Still… I feel left out, and that’s never a fun feeling to feel. Perhaps one day I’ll hatch from my eggshell comprised of the fear of rejection. I can only hope that said day is soon. 

Just realized that I forgot to post this. Oops. Anyways, here it is. This took so much time (because I don’t know how to draw efficiently), but every hour was worth it.

Also, I took forty-five minutes to draw that delicious tuna, so give it some eye love, okay?